Me: your principles are ridiculous!

Rizz: ridiculous or not they shall not be broken…and pot kettle blackness much?

As funny as the above conversation is, it’s very true - sometimes to a fault. I won’t easily budge on many things because I know I’m right. If I for some strange reason am wrong, I’ll accept it but I know it was still the right thing to do or say at the moment, so that I will stand by. Even if it has nothing to do with being right, I won’t take that other route because I know impending doom is on the other side and who wants to jump through a ring of fire… on purpose? I have always considered myself a light-hearted, jovial person (until you piss me off) who’s a bit of an asshole but people always seem to tell me I need to lighten up and relax. I get your joke, but maybe it just wasn’t funny?

Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so logical, or didn’t have this Libra burden of trying to make sure everything is thought out and balanced. The times I’ve deliberately tried to be reckless and throw all caution to the wind have either ended with me wondering what the hell I just did or been completely awesome (there goes that balance thing again). There are some mistakes and bonehead things I wish I’d have done when I was younger but now that I’m in my late 20s <shudder> I sometimes feel if I did them now it’d be useless, a step in the wrong direction, detrimental in some earth-shattering way, or just make you shake your head and say, “seriously, T?” because that is really stupid. 

I still have that mentality that now that I’m finally stable (WHOA! I’M STABLE?!?!?!) there are responsibilities like keeping my job, keeping my apartment, graduating in December, paying bills, trying to save money, and not letting random people who may become serial killers at a later date into my vagina life and/or apartment (sorry, I’ve been reading the Stieg Larsson series) that I need to protect and place as my top priority. I just wonder, “do I have to?”

There’s still a huge part of me though that wants to say “fuck it, do something stupid, lose a shoe, get lost somewhere, get your heart broken, let’s shake things up a bit and have some fun.”  

Ehhh, we’ll see.